Fate and Other Disasters

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It was one of those afternoons when I felt sleepy but was quite unwilling to sleep, so I decided to write something, anything that came to my mind without really trying to make up my mind or give a particular direction to my train of thoughts, writing without thinking, these are literally random thoughts. I liked what I read so I decided to post it.

Sometimes I just wonder how the two decades of my life have  shaped , what strikes me the most here is the fact that how little of it was in my control, how much of it is already decided , fate some might say it but the idea makes me very uncomfortable. It’s a sick idea , shows the characteristic lack of imagination that is plaguing  this modern world of ours , for the sake of arguments let’s  just say there is this all powerful being called GOD who created this infinite universe of ours and for some reason decided to lavish all his attention on to us , the humble inhabitants of the minuscule planet  Earth , why would he create so many  characters give them the wonderful quality of intelligence and then decide every event of their lives , where is the fun in that don’t you think he would rather sit back and watch the plot grow ,he could decide a few things to keep the proceedings  interesting but the entire story is as much of a surprise to him as is it is a suspense to us. What really worries me is the fact that how much of my life is governed by the prejudices of other people living or dead. Even before I was born my parents decided I am not supposed   to have any siblings.

When I grew a bit older nature taught me to go for what I want, so I utilized whatever little resources I had , first I tried using my underdeveloped language skills to communicate with my parents, when that failed I tried squealing , crying, shouting  initially I won but soon I learned I will  not get everything I want , I will have to  choose my battles . I was taught that obedience was a desirable trait and I should strive to attain it , which meant acting upon the wishes of the older members of the family , apparently my natural instincts were wrong, “We know what’s best for you “ I was told ,arguing was what I was not supposed to do, why should I argue, all it’s going to do is make me think, now nobody wants that , why must one think when everything has been decided by GOD all we need to do is abide by his wishes. A few years later I find myself in an institution called school, yet more people telling me what I should do , the books have  some really amazing pictures , I find myself intrigued ,I  am lost in them , I begin making imaginary stories about them but my thoughts are interrupted ,”Concentrate “ the teacher tells me ,why is the writers story more important than mine I ask myself, my interest in the book diminishing. Soon I realize that everything that I am going to study has already been decided and what I thought about it did not matter. Years later I find myself in an engineering college struggling to study what I really want to and in the process being forced to load my brain with all this unnecessary crap which I don’t remember a week after the exam. “Where is all this going?” I often find myself wondering but never seem to find a satisfactory answer no matter how much I contemplate on the subject, this uncertainty excites me the possibilities seem endless but what if there indeed is fate, the idea of future just an illusion and all these possibilities I see the byproduct of my deluded mind, these thoughts make me sick but then again they haven’t found a gene for fate yet so there is still hope and I have decided to cling on to it.