Random Story #8

 It's been so long i feel like i am starting all over agin. at one point i thought i was done blogging but fortunately i managed to get a grip of things. i thought i was taking a little break soon enough i was overwhelmed by my laziness, it has an uncanny control over me, but the good thing is that i am back to my blogging ways....i guess i have to do a lot of reading, as i get down to it here is an aptly named story no. 8

A NEW START

As he sat there on the bench waiting for someone to sit beside him, he was thinking of ways to start a conversation, how about the latest terrorist attacks, but that would be too intense. He thought it would be judicious to keep the topic a bit more casual, perhaps he would go with the weather but they were predicting cyclones in the next few days, nothing good could come out of that, he remained as uncertain as ever. He had been alone all his life, his parents died while he was still an infant, leaving behind for him millions in banks and trust funds. At a very early age he learnt that life without parents can be profoundly painful. To escape this pain he drowned himself in his stories. Now at 26 he wished he could do it all over again. Unable to connect with another human being made him suffocate, all the money in the world did not make any difference. His professional life was equally agonizing for him, he had devoted his entire life to writing yet his works weren’t good enough for the publishing world. He had written three novels each one of them inexpedient for the publishers in a different way. They found his books ‘too intellectual’ ,’incredibly complex’, ‘brilliant but lacking a market’, these repeated failure came with the realization that he had no one to turn to for support and advice which further aggravated his anguish. He felt insignificant like a thumb print on the window of a sky scraper. He was desperate to extricate himself from this low point of his life.

Every day in the evening he ventured to the nearby park looking for an opportunity to mingle with his fellow human beings. Unfortunately for him they were few and far fetched and everytime he did get a chance he was too petrified to say a word. Mostly he found himself sitting on a bench and every once in a while a young couple would join him, but mostly they were so busy figuring themselves out he would decided it was in the interest of everyone that he did not interfere, he did listen to their conversations making little mental notes in case he ever was in a similar situation, though he himself was hugely skeptical about his chances, mostly he used them as little events in his stories. He would try to steal glances and whenever he got caught he would leave the bench with a sheepish smile on his face. Sometimes he would visit the coffee shop while returning from the park. Today was one of those days. Everytime he visited a coffee shop he realized why he enjoyed spending time here. It was never too crowded, people kept to themselves and he always got good ideas for his stories here. After a while he saw that the place was full which was quite unusual, he noticed that he was the only one sitting alone as usual.

“Do you mind”, he lifted his head to find a young woman dressed in a formal attire, holding a cup of coffee, standing next to his table. “oh….not at all….go ahead”, he muttered feeling extremely anxious, she smiled and sat down. He wondered if this was the opportunity he was waiting for, how difficult could it be to start a conversation, it was the perfect setting but his mind went blank, on trying a little harder he found his head filled with everything absurd and irrelevant like stupid Viagra commercials and alien abduction stories. He looked at her for help, hoping she would utter something. “Can you please pass the sugar”, he passes it on with a lot of enthusiasm, she poured in a total of three teaspoons, “that’s a lot of sugar….”, he said barely managing to hide his excitement now that he had finally managed to say something. She smiled and said, “it’s been a tough day…”.      

“so the worse your day the more sugar you have…”.                                                                                

“yeah,  something like that but it’s never more than four not even on the worst of days...”                                     

“I hear sugar can make you fat….aren’t you worried…. “, she smiled ,”after the amount of work I do, I feel  I can handle a few extra calories….”                                                                                                                                                                   

“You work around here?”, he said trying to extend the conversation a little longer.   “yeah…..”                                                                                                                                              

“Is it interesting?”      “well….it has it’s moments……what about you?”                                                                          

“I am a writer”     “wow…..that can’t be bad…”                                                                                                            

“You would be surprised how bad it can get……”    “oh……but it seems everybody is getting published these days…”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

He felt a little humiliated yet managed to keep a straight face, “I was under the same illusion when I decided to enter the profession”, he said with a wry smile.                                                                                                  

“what’s with all this negativity……..you are so young you just need to continue writing……I am sure eventually you will get published…”                                                                                                                                                

‘she is so naïve’ he thought perhaps that’s why she is so optimistic, “as you can see I haven’t stopped trying…”                                                                                                                                                                                   

“you have already started  working on your next novel……that’s great…..what’s it about”                                                                                        

“no no…..this is just a short story I am writing for this online magazine…….it’s about a man who is planning his suicide sitting at a coffee shop..”                                                                                                                                          

“huh…..that’s awfully sad…but you know what I find it weirdly interesting…”                                                                           

“I guess…you really are having a bad day…..”, both of them laughed though he was more amused with the discovery that he  actually had a sense of humor.  She looked at her watch.                                                                                                             

“oh dear……my masters give me only tiny windows of freedom… so I better be going…”, both of them looked at each other, he was completely unsure what his next move should be, he wished if it was one of his stories, soon an extremely uncomfortable silence erupted  between them. As she was about to leave she said, “I am  Ria”                                                                                                                                            

“I am Jai”, he said almost immediately without waiting for her to stop                                                                    

“It was nice meeting you Jai”     “nice to meet you too”. As he saw her leaving he couldn’t help but wallow in his happiness, all his disappointments seemed to have vanished, he felt completely rejuvenated, ” perhaps this is what they called human connection”,  he wondered but as he saw her merge into the sea of people outside he realized something important, he might want to meet her again, he dashed out of the café before it was too late.

Fate and Other Disasters

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It was one of those afternoons when I felt sleepy but was quite unwilling to sleep, so I decided to write something, anything that came to my mind without really trying to make up my mind or give a particular direction to my train of thoughts, writing without thinking, these are literally random thoughts. I liked what I read so I decided to post it.

Sometimes I just wonder how the two decades of my life have  shaped , what strikes me the most here is the fact that how little of it was in my control, how much of it is already decided , fate some might say it but the idea makes me very uncomfortable. It’s a sick idea , shows the characteristic lack of imagination that is plaguing  this modern world of ours , for the sake of arguments let’s  just say there is this all powerful being called GOD who created this infinite universe of ours and for some reason decided to lavish all his attention on to us , the humble inhabitants of the minuscule planet  Earth , why would he create so many  characters give them the wonderful quality of intelligence and then decide every event of their lives , where is the fun in that don’t you think he would rather sit back and watch the plot grow ,he could decide a few things to keep the proceedings  interesting but the entire story is as much of a surprise to him as is it is a suspense to us. What really worries me is the fact that how much of my life is governed by the prejudices of other people living or dead. Even before I was born my parents decided I am not supposed   to have any siblings.

When I grew a bit older nature taught me to go for what I want, so I utilized whatever little resources I had , first I tried using my underdeveloped language skills to communicate with my parents, when that failed I tried squealing , crying, shouting  initially I won but soon I learned I will  not get everything I want , I will have to  choose my battles . I was taught that obedience was a desirable trait and I should strive to attain it , which meant acting upon the wishes of the older members of the family , apparently my natural instincts were wrong, “We know what’s best for you “ I was told ,arguing was what I was not supposed to do, why should I argue, all it’s going to do is make me think, now nobody wants that , why must one think when everything has been decided by GOD all we need to do is abide by his wishes. A few years later I find myself in an institution called school, yet more people telling me what I should do , the books have  some really amazing pictures , I find myself intrigued ,I  am lost in them , I begin making imaginary stories about them but my thoughts are interrupted ,”Concentrate “ the teacher tells me ,why is the writers story more important than mine I ask myself, my interest in the book diminishing. Soon I realize that everything that I am going to study has already been decided and what I thought about it did not matter. Years later I find myself in an engineering college struggling to study what I really want to and in the process being forced to load my brain with all this unnecessary crap which I don’t remember a week after the exam. “Where is all this going?” I often find myself wondering but never seem to find a satisfactory answer no matter how much I contemplate on the subject, this uncertainty excites me the possibilities seem endless but what if there indeed is fate, the idea of future just an illusion and all these possibilities I see the byproduct of my deluded mind, these thoughts make me sick but then again they haven’t found a gene for fate yet so there is still hope and I have decided to cling on to it.

 

Just Kidding

It’s been two decades since I first arrived in this three dimensional world of ours, my entry wasn’t exactly graceful, I remember being very exasperated and using the little strength I had in crying but in my defense a nice juicy slap on my butt was not exactly the kind of welcome I was expecting, the doctor responsible for my predicament was really enjoying herself it’s been twenty years and I still remember the sadistic grin on her face. The first couple of months were mostly spent in sleeping,  I needed some time to adjust to my new surroundings, the next few months were the golden phase I literally didn’t have to do anything it was like I was on auto pilot mode my life moved forward without any effort from my side, what I  enjoyed most was when someone tried to teach me to speak they would keep on saying  “papa” and “mama” over and over again while I would just blankly stare back  trying to conceal my laughter , sometimes when I really felt like messing with them as soon as they would stop I would mumble something  gibberish and they would start all over again. Oh those were some good days.

Now  the thing is, good days are like trial version of a very expensive software as soon as you get used to them they come to  an end and start demanding  unreasonable prices. One fine morning my parents came to a not so fine conclusion that I was too heavy to be carried around and must learn to walk, all my resistance was in vain and just like that my golden phase came to an end. As it turned out learning to walk wasn’t all that terrible. It gave me my first taste of freedom, now I could grab that that distant paperweight kept on that distant table, examine its features, play with it or ‘accidentally’ break it, one of my several ways of getting back at my parents for ending my golden phase. The possibilities seemed endless, one of my favorite vengeful activity was to hide or throw away footwear of the guests who visited my home, apparently if people are leaving and someone is unable to find his/her shoes/sandal the whole bunch gets really annoyed, soon I realized that all I needed was to hide just one of the two not the whole pair.

 Soon my acts of rebellion took a toll on my parents and they began punishing me, initially the punishments were mild like not going out to play or no cartoon, they were a breeze I would always find something more interesting to do that would annoy my parents even more, unfortunately for me my mother soon realized how impotent these punishments were and resorted to more physical ones, I still remember the first time mother slapped me, the sheer shock caused by this action of hers made my mind go completely blank, it was like I had forgotten the art of speech but soon enough fear kicked in, fear of the next slap and it was then I began with the water works, I could see the remorse on her face. There are a lot of great things about being a single child but if one has no siblings one cannot blame anyone else for the broken flower vase or the missing chocolate biscuits no matter how good a liar one is, oh yeah lying was the first thing fear taught me, so the slaps kept on coming but the really frightening thing was that the remorse I first saw on her face was no longer present. Sometimes I would run away from her, in the early days she used to out run me and when she no longer could I realized I had nowhere to go. It’s amazing that it never really occurred to me that I could stop my shenanigans, the only thing the slaps were able to do was generate fear loads of fear but the problem was that fear to a kid is like a bollywood cop it always appears after the screw up has been performed, when it’s too late. All in all being a baby boy was fun, all this writing has made me nostalgic so you better keep an eye on your shoes.

The Boy

There once was a boy, oh what a jolly good guy. He used to be a happy little kid, sadness to him was like a cool breeze it never stayed long, he talked of the world and it’s people, he talked about his dreams and his aspirations. Music touched his soul chocolates his taste buds, he was loving and innocent thought the world was kind and gentle, oh what a foolish boy he was…..

The boy loved his life and the way he lived it, he loved that he was free, he loved the serene ambience and the fact that he could truly appreciate it, he loved the little pleasures of life and his ability to notice them, he loved his friends and family and their loving him back, he loved that people cared, he loved that he was aware, oh what a naïve boy he was……

Time flew and very soon the little boy was thrown into school, he was amazed to see so many like him, he was amazed to see so many cry, he was amazed by the revelation that he was no longer the center of attention. He looked around and there was no one familiar to be found, the new world was not what he had hoped at the start, the teachers did not find him all that smart, the next day he resisted his return but his parents where unreasonably stubborn, he solved the mystery, now he knew why so many cry even he gave it a try, he felt a bit better even the teachers seemed to care, oh what a clever boy he was…..

A few months had gone, the boy seemed to be having some fun, but that did not live long because very soon a monster came along, they called it ‘THE EXAM’. The attack came as a complete surprise, the boy worked for days without respite, the boy fought a losing battle, in the end he was left completely shattered, he forgot all about his dreams and aspiration, he could no longer take pleasure in the little things, freedom was not his anymore, oh what a lost boy he was…..

Years have passed the boy has grown into a young man, but he is still held captive by the monster named ‘THE EXAM’, all his attempt to breakaway has gone in vain, he lives in eternal pain, but the young man is still hanging on, losing battles after battles yet hoping to eventually win the war that’s going on, every once in a while he thinks of the boy that once was, oh what a jolly good guy he was……

PS:  The monster is back so I wont be writig for a while